manic Monday...

I am struggling today with not smoking. Yesterday I had one slip up which I felt was pretty good. I would have liked to not have one at all, but no one's perfect. Its just that it is such a habit and just out of the blue I found myself grabbing one, lighting it, and next thing you know I thinking...'what the H am I doing!'. I did butt the rest out. Honestly. Today my face feels weird and the cravings are there. I keep on counting to 30 every time I get a craving and it sure has been helping. Oh ya, Jason is still smoking so this is pretty interesting especially when he lays in bed for the better part of the day then gets up and goes on the computer and stays there till way after I go to bed! This is my husband I am talking about here. He took one break to eat supper and then went back to the pute. This is how it has been now since we got married. It has been getting worse and worse. So I get to sit here and smell the smoke while he sits and plays. No wonder I do not have any motivation to do anything anymore. Why can't I just sit here on the computer all the time too? Seems fair to me. He was supposed to be setting up the living room down stairs as a 'guys' room for his computer playing and sports watching. Funny... He hasn't moved his butt to move anything down there. See... why should I do anything if he won't! OK... Sorry... done my rant. I said things would probably get uglier around here for the next bit while I am quitting.

Well yesterday's plans went to H. Instead of lasagna, we had chili and I did not get one AP earned. I did one hour of homework, should have done way more, and I did no housework except the dishes. I am hoping that today will go better as far as accomplishing things around the house. I sat back and planned my meals for the next week here. I am trying to make sure that I am measuring things out properly again, re-evaluating the types of food I am eating, making sure I am eating the 'proper things,' etc... Yes I know I have been doing well but it just seems like I am going through a lack of motivation period here. I know the quitting the nasty has a good part to do with my feelings but I have to snap out of this. I am so far behind in my schooling right now it is not funny anymore. I have to get focussed! I have to get some subbing hours in for income. I have to get the housecleaning done. I have to lose weight. I am just getting sick of everything I have to do. Yes, I have tried to delegate jobs around the house... didn't work.

OK... back to reality again here. I just have to focus on my health here or my son won't have me around here for long. I have had too many scares now so I have to just get healthy.

My plans for the day? Well I hope to get some time on the treadmill in, I wanted to go to hot yoga tonight but I am still to sore, I plan to eat healthy, drink lots of water, and not smoke.

quit smoking day: 2